7 things your GPS should be able to do

My friend J.R. was disappointed.

His bicycle-mounted GPS receiver could tell him at a glance that he had burned 1,080 calories at that point on our bike ride, but it was not able to translate that into Beer Equivalent Units (BEUs).


Image via Wikipedia

You would think something like that would be a no-brainer this far into the 21st Century, but no.

There are several things I will expect to be able to get before I even think about getting a GPS unit for my bicycle.

  1. BEU capability that will convert calories and/or watts to pints of amber ale, pale ale, IPA, stout, Sam Adams Irish Red or any other product of the brewer’s art that is not “lite” or “light.”
  2. Time and distance to the nearest tavern and/or brew pub with any of the above on tap, along with price per pint in effect at my ETA. (Indicators should all begin flashing within 30 minutes of end of Happy Hour.)
  3. Estimated Time to Bonk (ETB) based on my previous caloric intake, physical exertion, body mass index (BMI) and tire pressure.
  4. Value of cash on hand vis-à-vis the price per pint at currently selected target destination.
  5. Present location of said cash and/or debit card – e.g., seat bag, left-side jersey pocket, right-side jersey pocket, top of dresser at home.
  6. The whereabouts of Mrs. Smith in relation to me as well as to the nearest J. Jill store or shopping mall (outlet or otherwise) so I know how much time I have to kill.
  7. Availability of taxi/limo service for ride home.

That isn’t too much to ask, is it?

I think not.

Pedal on.

P.S. Father’s Day is just over that next rolling hill. Gift idea?

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3 Responses to “7 things your GPS should be able to do”

  1. 1 art3 June 5, 2010 at 10:41 am

    I like the new metric…BEU

  2. 2 tpfi July 28, 2010 at 9:02 pm

    The PaddiCaddi is the secure and easy way to mount your iPad to your bicycle or motorcycle. Take your iPad along on your bike to have an easy to read GPS, listen to music, get weather reports, traffic conditions, etc. The PaddiCaddi mounts on your handlebars. It is fully adjustable and will rotate 360 degrees. The iPad is securely held in place with a silicone rubber sleeve. Almost anyone can install it in minutes without the use of tools.

    Checking out e-Bay as “iPad Bicycle”, “iPad Mount”, the seller is TPFIINC.

  1. 1 Jill and Eric Penne » Blog Archive » 7 things your GPS should be able to do Trackback on June 3, 2010 at 9:52 pm
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